I carry a "get out of jail free" card in my wallet. Just in case.

"Dammit Im Mad" is spelled the same way backwards.

If I ever get a jury summons, I figure I can just send them a link to my Facebook profile to get out of it.

I'm guessing that the actual process of giving birth is what led to the extinction of the unicorn.

Thinks that Facebook has ruined school reunions. Now everyone knows you"re full of crap before you get there...

I don't like thinking before I say something. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.