I was planning to do something today, but I haven't finished doing nothing from yesterday.

When I grow up, I want to be a kid.

Scientists still can't decide if insane people own multiple cats or if owning multiple cats makes people insane.

Facebook is the most bizarre group therapy session I've ever attended.

I ALWAYS hold the door open for ladies, but they never want to get in the van :(

Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it is time to get up.