My boss just gave me an award for Most Productive Employee for the last month. I think our company is in BIG trouble.

Hostage or not, sometimes it's just nice to be held.

I'm gonna come back as a bird in my next life. Some people need a special delivery.

Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn't have to end at work.

I'm not really a fan of Apple products. Mostly because I'm a bigger fan of not being broke.

My ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" but I can't drive a bus.