On Facebook, people respect you for sharing your deepest secrets and flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.

It's pretty lame that blacking out doesn't mean that everyone else forgets too.

Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.

I just saved a whole lot of money on car insurance by switching into reverse and fleeing the scene.

The awkward moment when you get in the van and there's no candy.

As a child my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out the police call this "Identity Theft".