Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?

If the first thing you see after you die is a handbasket, you're in trouble.

I changed my car horn to sound like gun shots. People get out of my way a lot faster now.

I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline it logged me back onto MySpace.

I'm starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.