My GPS would make the perfect husband/wife...It sits quietly in the car, never complains about my driving, and when it has something to say, it says something useful.

I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.

Sarcasm... because punching people in the face is illegal.

You and I were meant to be... as far away from each other as possible.

In life, it seems the group of people who are easily offended and the group of people who are easily confused tend to be the same group.

There are no stupid questions, but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.